If you don’t want to date you, who will?
You might be thinking, “Briana, you’re a nutritionist and health coach, why are you talking about relationships?” Because it’s all connected, that’s why. No amount of kale will make you feel better if other parts of your life are unbalanced. So let’s bring a little balance, a little va va voom, to our relationships this month, starting with our lovely selves.
I often work from coffee shops. Maybe it’s just a San Francisco thing, but 99% of the time everyone else in the coffee shop is also working on their computer (or at least pretending to be). The other day in Saint Frank’s a man caught my eye, not only because he was good looking but also because he didn’t have any electronics with him. All he had was his $5 cup of single origin, sustainably farmed, designer coffee and a book. A real paper book. He was simply enjoying time with himself.
It got me thinking about how little time I intentionally spend alone. I’m a solopreneur so a lot of my time is spent alone when I’m not working with clients but I couldn’t remember the last time I chose to take non-work time alone—to treat myself to a date.
Now, if the idea of spending time alone in public makes you nervous, cool, welcome to the club. It can be a little uncomfortable at first, just like a date with another person, but after a few minutes your anxiety will dissipate and you’ll start having fun. And think about this: I didn’t judge that coffee shop stud for being alone—I was inspired by it! Chances are people won’t be judging you either. Whether you are single or in a relationship, taking rejuvenating alone time is so important to your wellbeing. So, what do you say? Ready to take yourself out?
1. Lose your security blanket (aka iPhone, iPad, iMac… you get it). If you went out with someone who spent the date on their phone, you probably wouldn’t have a very good time and they definitely wouldn’t be getting a second date. Show yourself the same respect—be present and enjoy what’s around you. You’re also much more inviting when there isn’t a screen blocking you; you never know who might come say hello ;).
2. Netflix and chill doesn’t count. Your solo date should be a treat, not something you can do every other night of the week. You deserve better.
3. Don’t rush, it’s going to be okay. I remember the first time I went on a date with myself I sat at the bar at some Asian Fusion restaurant. I was so unbelievably self-conscious for being alone that I was sweating, anxious, and ate as quickly as possible. By the time I got home, I had a stomach ache and pit stains that never came out of my white shirt. If I could give my younger self advice for that date, I would say, “breathe into the discomfort. Slow down. No one thinks you’re lame. Most people are too concerned with themselves wondering if they have food in their teeth or if they left the stove on or if they should get the chicken or the steak. Enjoy your freakin' meal."
In good health,